sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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