I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
