I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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