I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
