now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
