I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
