I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
