writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
