I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize