help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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