Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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