I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
