Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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