what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
