Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
