You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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