this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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