i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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