you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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