After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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