I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize