i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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