My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
