everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
