normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
