i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
