She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
