I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
