I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
