Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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