but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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