weddingsv make me drug and hornr
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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