I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just found puke in my bra..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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