So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
