Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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