its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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