You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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