I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
