I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
