lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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