i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize