I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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