Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
