My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
