Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
