So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize