dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Floor bacon is actually really good
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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