i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize