I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just gift wrapped bread.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
