I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize