In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
