I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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