Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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