I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
