Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
