my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
