i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If that was your dad, he is hot
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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