I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
