I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
