he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
