I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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