i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
