Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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