A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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