You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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