I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
