my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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