yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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