they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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