direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I love you. Go after that dick
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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