you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize