"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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