i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
