Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
