He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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