my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
