I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
