From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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