Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
