dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
