Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize