If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
