You don't have asthma, your pregnant
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
