another moral hangover. fuck.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
