i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
