The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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