He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
