Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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