I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
