What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
