That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
