My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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