heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
