totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
