wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
