I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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