so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
