Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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