Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
