I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
