I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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