Need sex. Gaining weight.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
