Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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