I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
