Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
