Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
